For him, I’m grateful.

Monkey and I has always been quite different.

I've always looked up to him, admired him even, for so many reasons. I'd always tell him that he was doing so well, that he's amazing for what he was able to do. It's not just because he's my partner. I look up to him because he... he manages. He pushes through.

Monkey knows he has a hot temper - he knows he can be super stubborn, and it is difficult to change his mind about something once he sets his mind to it. He knows perfectly well that he has a huge ego, and he's so confident about certain things that it almost makes him straight-up cocky. His redeeming traits? Plenty.

Whereas I put aside my coursemates from university, my hobbies and my family members aside just so that I can put more effort in caring for him and loving him, he juggles everything - relationship, work, studies, his passion for car stuff, friends from different groups, and of course, his family.

He does it well - he puts aside time for whatever he needs to, sacrificing some sleep time here and there, some personal time to play a few League games, and a lot more. Still, he could manage. He works well under pressure. With several concerning events happening at the same time, he maintains his cool. He was able to manage other stuff that he needs to.

In situations where I would have gotten panic attacks or breakdowns, he was strong. Irritated, annoyed, perhaps pissed off, but he would be strong and he would push through.

He always did.

He has friends. Actual friends who would be there when he needs them to be. Friends who would drive over with a single notice, friends who carried his bag and went to his classroom with him when he was on crutches for several weeks. Friends who would, if he said he had a car crash, turn right up and help him with anything he needed.

I can't think of a single person in my life who can do that for me other than Monkey himself.

He goes the extra miles - not just a single extra mile that anyone could do. He offers to help further, requests to learn more even if there is going to be no pay involved. He sources for things he knows his friends needs, even if it could be troublesome. He looked out for me and gives me plenty of information - who this new person in his life is, why I shouldn't be too close with a particular person due to their background, what he's going to be busy doing the next weekend and who he'll be with, etc.

He does this all as if it's a 'should', as if it's a 'basic'.

Sometimes, things like this make me love him even more than I already do.

Monkey might not be very book-smart - I sometimes tease him about not being able to remember how to say certain weekdays in Malay because he's from an international school - but he's definitely street smart. He plans for the worst even if it sounds ridiculous to me sometimes because it seems like something super minor to me.

But that's how he made it so far. He can break down a plan to me, and tell me what would possibly happen if another scenario were to happen. He would let me know why a certain action would be a bad move, why I should go another route, etc. And it works. When I go to him for advice, it makes sense. Sometimes, I start to think that he's thinking wayyy too much into a simple scenario and I end up getting me onto the wrong route he warned me about.

Of course, 99% of the time these worst case scenarios never happen, but he sure was prepared for it.

He can be really, really lazy when he's with me. Once he's settled in my room, there's no dragging him out of it for nice meals outside, no bringing him out for window shopping, no going to the movies. He doesn't update the Torn City newsletter preferences that gets him free 250 energy because he was lazy to do the 5-click procedure, and he could get that amount of energy with an in-game item anyways, so he didn't bother.

But if we were to be eating together and I didn't want to eat a shrimp because I felt too lazy to peel it, he would do it for me. If I wanted to get a drink from the fridge downstairs but was already too comfortable to move, he would get right down and bring it to me. When my grandparents are visiting for the first time, he offered to meet them and provide transport where needed.

Like some other dudes that I know out there, he doesn't have a very high EQ either. There are times when conversations were tactless, and he gives advice when I'm just looking to rant. He would push solutions to me when all I needed was a listening ear and a few hugs and kisses before I gather myself back up. He doesn't understand why I can't control my mind to be strong enough to avoid panic attacks, and he definitely doesn't get hints.

I might tell him that we haven't been on a vacation together in a while, and he would jokingly mention the next car track meet, or tell me about a vacation with his family instead of talking about a plan for just the two of us.

Honestly? He's dense sometimes.

But when I tell him straight-up that all I want is for him to listen, to give me some comfort, or just to have some quiet, alone time with him, he would understand and comply. When my panic attack still hits regardless, he would be there to keep me company. When I get anxious in big crowds, he would be there to hold my hand and walk in front of me to shelter me from the crowd - even if he doesn't like the crowds either.

He would be the one to bring out the umbrella if the sky starts to turn a little dark when we head out and massage my back when it starts to ache just before my menstruation starts. When I wake up from nightmares of him leaving me, he's always a phone call away. It wouldn't matter if it was only 11pm or 4am in the morning - he would be there.

*sighs*

I'll end this post here. I need to let Monkey know that I love him so, so much.